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About Deviant Artist Steve ShinneyMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Years
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Literature
Burn Baby Shower Burn
I like to think that I'm pretty clever. I've been walking through forests my whole life and I've never been upside-down hanging from a tree or in a pit with a tiger. It's because I'm pretty good at spotting traps.
And yet, despite all skills as an Eagle Scout, this last weekend I still found myself at a baby shower.
In my defense, it was a baby shower cleverly disguised as a barbecue.
My first hint that this might not be a regular barbecue was when I realized the host couple were registered at Target. Generally people don't register for a barbecue. Although I'm totally for getting this tradition started. I think it would really catch on.
You have been cordially invited to a BBQ at the Shinney residence on Tuesday, the 12 of Febtober. Please RSVP so we will have plenty of potato salad. The couple is registered at Albertson's and Chuck's Butcher Shop.
I've never been a big fan of showers of any kind. They're just way to feminine for me. I know I'm suppose to be a modern man and al
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Don't Belittle Her by Shinbone Don't Belittle Her :iconshinbone:Shinbone 0 0
Literature
The Lord of the Onion Rings
Gather around my feet children. It's time for me to tell you a story.
It's a tragic story about a heroic youth and his struggle to overcome the impossible. But like all epic tales, this one starts not with him, but with a butt-load of backstory and explanation.
Our story begins in the far-away, magical land of Idaho with a man named Big Judd. Big Judd was a big man with a big dream.
Big Judd loved hamburgers. He dreamed of owning his own burger joint. Being a big man, he found himself unsatisfied with the standard hamburger.
So Big Judd created himself a big hamburger. It was not a quarter-pounder. It wasn't a half-pounder or even a three-quarter-pounder. Yes children, Big Judd created a one-pound hamburger.
Soon the legend of the burger that bore its creator's name was known throughout the land. People came to try their hands at conquering the beast. Those who succeeded were immortalized on the wall of the restaurant.
By offering such a chance at immortality, the legend continued to g
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Literature
Dating Schmating
When I first came to college I knew three things: pudding is delicious, cats don't eat pickles and girls have cooties.
After careful investigation however, I've come to find that number 2 is false.
I tried to learn more about number 3 but my wife won't let me do experiments on enough different subjects for a good case study. I guess the world may never know.
But really that's OK. People all go through their lives with enough problems about the opposite sex.
You know the problems I'm talking about. I'm sure you or your roommates have muttered a few of the following:
"Girls are confusing."
"Guys are dumb."
"Women are confusing."
"Boys are dumb."
As a humor columnist I'm required by law to say all of the above is true. However I, unlike most, don't blame genetics.
Men and women are like praying mantis and scorpions, perfectly fine in the wild, but if you put us in the metaphoric jar of dating and a give it proverbial shake things get messy.
I often hear people complain about the how datin
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A more dynamic Jarley by Shinbone A more dynamic Jarley :iconshinbone:Shinbone 0 3 NWBL:The Musical Fruit by Shinbone NWBL:The Musical Fruit :iconshinbone:Shinbone 1 0 NTWL Life's Progress Bar by Shinbone NTWL Life's Progress Bar :iconshinbone:Shinbone 0 0
Literature
On flags and capturing them
I hate admit I'm not very familiar with the military that fights today's wars.
I am however really familiar with the military that fought in the conflict known as the Star
Wars.
My limited knowledge of the current "real" military comes mostly from the History Channel and video games.
From these sources I've learned the following: We really opened a can at Yorktown and for some reason, it's really important to capture the other guys' flag.
I've never really understood why it's so important to steal a piece of cloth from the other army; I just know that it is.
In my travels around the world I've discovered I can't look at another country's flag with out feeling an overwhelming urge to sneak in and capture it.
It's not that I disrespect the other countries. I don't even really want their flag that bad.
I just want to capture it.
I've always felt that way. At least since I was twelve and joined Boy Scouts. My troop was hardcore when it came to capture the flag. We took it very seriously.
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NWBL: They're important to me by Shinbone NWBL: They're important to me :iconshinbone:Shinbone 0 6 NWBL: Grand DA premier by Shinbone NWBL: Grand DA premier :iconshinbone:Shinbone 0 0
Literature
Viking Recruitment
I used to think college was like Neverland, a magical place where no body grew up (I saw grown men riding a bed down a hill in their underwear, it was the only logical conclusion).
I was looking forward to spending the rest of my life here like a modern day Peter Pan, prancing around campus looking for pirates.
It turns out this is pixie-crap and I want my tuition money back.
Somehow when I wasn't looking, I think it was when I was going through that Yu-Gi-Oh phase I grew up. I got married. I filled out a form that said I was planning on graduation.
I don't know how to admit this too myself, but I've actually started to make mature decisions. Like the other day, I had the chance to eat brownies, but I ate an apple instead because and this is the really scary part I knew it was better for me.
As disheartening as that is, I'm going to put it on the back burner while I worry about what I'm going to do with my life after I'm done here.
When I first came to USU, I was all excited fo
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Jarley Forgeborn by Shinbone Jarley Forgeborn :iconshinbone:Shinbone 0 0 Crouching Kong Colors by Shinbone Crouching Kong Colors :iconshinbone:Shinbone 0 0
Literature
I'm not scared I need to pee
I can't do it anymore. I can't keep living the lie. I'm gonna come clean.
I'm not the last of the Mohicans. I just said that so people would like me.
On another note, I'm also not as brave as I sometimes make myself seem in these columns. In fact I can't make it through a scary movie without having to go into the other room "to make more popcorn" whenever the music starts to swell a little.
I know what you're thinking, "What a pansy."
You're right, although I prefer the term "total wiener."
Now I'm not a total liar though. I real life, I'm actually fairly courageous, some would venture to refer to me as "the man."
And I'm not talking about using public restroom brave; I'm talking Mario level brave.
Sometimes if I'm walking around at night I take a detour through the graveyard just to make sure the dead are staying where they should.
I've been known to yell potentially offensive words about tentacles at strange lights in the sky in an attempt to get abducted.
If you've got a haunted bas
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Literature
Battle of the Sexes Undercover
I hope your holiday was full of surprises and I mean the good kind, like when you find a jelly bean in the cushions and not a bad surprises like when you walk in on grandma in the shower or when grandma walks in on you.
I had a surprise too; it was one of those surprises that after it happens everything from before makes more sense, like when you find out that the killer was the janitor's babysitter or when you discover at 6 p.m. that you've had your underwear on backwards all day.
Despite my secret clearing so much about my past, I still was a bit horrified by it. It was like finding out you're a werewolf by waking up covered in blood.
It turns out, I really do hog the covers.
This was terrifying for me. I've always been the good guy. It shook me up quite a bit to find out that I really am as big of a jerk as my wife has been saying I was.
I realized this while I was in that state between sleep and awake where you are so out of it that you can't be held responsible for your actions bu
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Another Sun Wukong by Shinbone Another Sun Wukong :iconshinbone:Shinbone 0 0

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Activity


The ever handsome Steve Shinney was walking to the bus stop this morning, when he noticed the sign at the Hooters across the street was proclaiming proudly, "We have Wi-Fi!"

'What a strange thing for Hooters to brag about,' he thought to himself.  'If I were them, I'd make a sign that said something like "We have buxom women in tiny clothes!" or they could just shorten it to "Hey, we're Hooters!"'

He tried to distract himself by listening to music, but he still couldn't get his head around this concept. It didn't make sense for Hooters to brag about having Wi-Fi, something he himself possessed in his own apartment and didn't feel the need to make a sign to tell people.

He considered perhaps they were trying to compete with the coffee shop next door, whose sign also proclaimed that "We have Wi-Fi."

'But who's business are they competing for?' He wondered 'Granted coffee shops have a monopoly on people who like to slowly drink a single overpriced coffee while they work on their Great American Novels.'

'But I'm pretty sure no novels – great, American or otherwise – have ever been read in Hooters, let alone been written.'

He considered for a moment taking advantage of this highly-toted Wi-Fi and writing his latest idea for a book ( a touching love story about a jazz musician who falls for sexy young werewolf set in the 13th century) just to be the first person to raise to literary greatness from such a location, but then he realized not only would his wife not approve (with punching) but with that many distractions bouncing around nobody could write anything.

'I can't even write if I see a dog outside my window,' he thought and pushed that fantasy out of his mind forever.

He looked down the street to the next bus stop and contemplated walking a bit further every morning so that he didn't have to wait where he had to read such perplexing signs. There were still nights when he would lay awake remembering last Christmas when the same sign wished him a 'Hooterific Holiday', a phrase that haunted him still.

Finally the bus came to carry him away. As climbed aboard he realized what it all meant.

'This sign, is a sign. It's the sign I've been watching for. It's time to bring back The Geek Beat.'

And so it was.
  • Listening to: Guster
  • Reading: Jonathon Strange and Mr Norrel
  • Watching: My Own Swordsman
  • Playing: Virtua Fighter 5
  • Eating: Haw rolls
  • Drinking: Water Mostly

deviantID

Shinbone
Steve Shinney
Artist
United States
Current Residence: Logan, Utah
Favourite genre of music: geek rock, ska
Favourite style of art: Fushion
MP3 player of choice: I have a Sansa
Personal Quote: Geek on
Interests

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:icontixielix:
TixieLix Featured By Owner May 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fave on my Street Fighter work!
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:iconc-t-supahfly:
c-t-supahfly Featured By Owner May 9, 2007  Professional General Artist
Thanks for stopping by my page :)
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:iconnickmockoviak:
NickMockoviak Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2007  Professional Traditional Artist
Thanks for the visit!
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:iconfastfood:
Fastfood Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2006  Professional Traditional Artist
:salute: Thank you for the support!! :thanks:
:spyedvsjark:
:flagcanada:
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:iconlicorice-sama:
Licorice-Sama Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2006
Welcome to dA!
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